"Secrets:
Here is the poem:
Defective Secrets
I'm lucky.
I'm blessed.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of my secrets.
These thoughts,
These fears
Always dragging me down.
Loneliness doesn't scare me.
It makes sense to me.
Because I fear the person I'm capable of being.
I can't trust the thoughts in my head.
I can't trust without doubt.
Things will always grow to be different.
I'm afraid I'm a crazy serial killer
Or I'm afraid of being alone.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I know I'm capable of hurting people.
Intentionally.
It's not fair,
I know.
I'm broken.
Fix it.
Change me.
Fix me.
And even if you try,
Good luck,
Because I will always be broken.
I'm afraid of what I can do. I don't mean I fear success. I mean I fear the person I'm capable of being. I fear the thoughts in my head sometimes. I don't mean like I'm a crazy serial killer or anything. But I'm capable of hurting people. I do it intentionally sometimes.
I'm afraid that the thought of being alone and loneliness doesn't scare me. I'm afraid because it makes sense to me.
I'm afraid I'm not capable of trusting without doubt. I trust people. But there's always a chance something could go wrong. Something could change. You can't trust a person to always stay the same. It's not fair. Things will always grow to be different. I just can't trust that thought.
I'm afraid these thoughts and these fears are really debilitating. I have a pretty great life. I know I'm blessed. I know I'm lucky. But there are always these thoughts dragging me down. I don't know how to change. I don't know how to fix it. Sometimes it feels like I'm just always broken. Defective. Like I'm not doing this whole life thing right. Even if you try to fix me, there will always be the reminder that at one point, I was broken.
That's all. Thanks. Good luck."