Monday, April 11, 2011

Secrets (No Father Should Hate His Son)

Here is something submitted anonymously at TellMeYrStory:
Secrets are meant to be told. I have many secrets, some people know most of them others have less of an idea. They know about the drugs, random sex, dreams and fears but there is one secret no one knows. Or at least I have never told anyone before. It's not my secret but I know it, I found it out. He didn't do a good job of hiding it. I think everyone who needs to know knows but I'm not sure, its not talked about just quietly accepted. The scariest thing is I know I will never speak of it but it eats me. I want to know answers, I want to know why. I want to know how it makes him think of me. If he thinks I get to live the life he wanted because he didn't take the chance. It isn't a bad secret but now that is has been quiet for so long, it makes me hate him. I hate him. It has also taught me that you can love someone and hate them at the same time. I wonder how this knowledge I have of him will affect me later on as I continue to grow up. I will keep hating him but I will keep his secret. If I tell, if I address it everything will fall down. The delicate house of cards he has built up making his life would fall apart and I am one of those cards and my life would come crashing down. If I told, I don't know who would still love me or hate me. I would ruin everything, the perfect white picket fence lie he has created would be gone and he would hate me. He isn't allowed to hate me. No father should hate his son but he would hate me and I would continue hating him. He can't hate me so I keep his secret. I keep hating him."
Here's the poem:
No Father Should Hate His Son

I have many secrets
The drugs and dreams
The sex and fears.
They are meant to be told.
But there is one
That eats me.
It’s not my secret,
But I’m hiding it
For him.

I hate him.

The scariest thing is
You can love
And hate
At the same time.

The life he has created,
The perfect white picket fence
I found out, was a lie.

His life is a delicate house of cards,
He has built up
To fall apart.
He isn't allowed to hate me,
And he can’t love me
Because I am one of those cards,
With him and his secrets,
I will come crashing down.

I hate him.
I will keep hating him.

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